The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize