3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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