Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
