you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
