Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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