Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
