She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
