I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
