you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
