discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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