In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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