New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
