I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize