____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
