my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
