the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
