I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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