He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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