She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
