this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
