Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
