I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
