Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
