Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize