I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
