I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize