tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
