well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
God, I missed his penis.
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