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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
