Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
