just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
