Jerry, you need to find god
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
