call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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