Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
