I'm jealous of your bromance
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
