So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
