So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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