areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
