Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
