When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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