Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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