he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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