i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Found the puke drawer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
