who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
