The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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