end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
