i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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