I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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