You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
