Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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