she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
