I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
