We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
