Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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