I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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