How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
