Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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