Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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