I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
