i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
