btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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