You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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