Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
