this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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