your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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