I want to stick my p in your. b.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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