Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
