ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So many bounce houses so little time
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
