i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
