Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
