Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize