was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
