I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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