Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
