At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
