Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
