I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
