I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
