This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
