Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
