People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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