you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
