Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nicole vs. Life
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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