That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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