im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
