nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
