Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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