yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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