ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
