Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize