Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
