We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
