You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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