it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
