My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
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