you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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