I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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